Pia Jacobsen: Part I

Fall Fashion Night at the Bravern

Last night, I had the opportunity to hear noted fashionista and former head of the Nordstrom couture department Pia Jacobsen speak at Fall Fashion Night at the Bravern in Bellevue. In her short talk, I learned more fashion basics than I would ever glean from reading a majority of fashion magazines out there.

The author of Pia....me talked about the importance of individualizing your own style and of knowing what works for you. Pia’s basic message to women is fairly simple; know your body type and know your own personal style.

There are four basic body types: hour glass, pencil, apple, and pear. According to Pia, knowing your own personal body type isn’t the only thing needed to make yourself into the true fashion plate that you want to be. It’s also important to know your own personal style; if you traditionally wear a Minimalist style, you won’t be comfortable in what Pia terms the Punk Gothic style.

At the talk I saw, Pia spoke about a few different style trends and types: Bohemian Hippie Chic, Eccletic, Minimalist, Glamour Girl, Punk Gothic, and Masculine-Feminine. Each look has a very different feel and it’s important to wear fashions that fall within your own comfort zone. One woman who was sitting next to me at the show described Pia’s fashion expertise in this way: “You see that woman sitting across from us. I love her red boots, but I would never feel comfortable wearing something like that.”

In addition, Pia stressed the importance of having garments with individualized fits. Pia’s fashion advice seems to reflect the current trends of women such as Trinny and Susannah, who like to rampage through women’s closets to cull outdated fashions and clothes that no longer fit the women.

I like the idea of having a simple formula to guide me through my fashion needs. The equation of knowing your body type and knowing your style type makes absolute sense. As Pia observed, when women try to emulate others’ styles and forget either their own style or body type, that’s when the fashion faux pas’ come into play much more.

How did I feel at the event as a non-fashionista? More or less, I felt grateful for the opportunity to be there, a little self-conscious about my own fashion choices, and less judgmental about women who make fashion a true priority in their own lives.

 

10 Free Costumes Using Your All-Black Outfit

Most people can come up with an all-black outfit in a pinch. I know I can do it a few ways, with short or long sleeves. If you’re invited to an early Halloween party and you don’t have anything to wear yet, or you just don’t have the money for a full costume this year, here are a few quick ideas for your all-black outfit that you can pull off in minutes.

10. A Shadow

If you have a black cap with eyes and nose cut out, you could be a shadow; of course, most people will just think you are a burglar. This will work, too, as long as you are invited. If you’re not invited, be sure to watch out for baseball bats.

9. Priest

If you can wear a white collared shirt beneath a black sweater or long-sleeved shirt, you are set. Add a cross if you have one.

8. Johnny Cash

This one works best if you can slick your hair back, you have a guitar (toy or otherwise), and you can mumble like Joaquin Phoenix.

7. Cat

Of course, you could be any black animal—maybe even a Halloween honey badger?—but this one seems particularly in season. You could grab some ears and a tail for a couple of dollars at the craft store, but if you draw on your own whiskers that will probably be enough right there.

6. Soot Sprite

Only fans of Miyazaki films will get this one, but if you are going to a Miyazaki party, you are set.

5. Dead…Anything

People always go as dead brides, cheerleaders, whatever. Just mess your face and hair up, add some blood or dark makeup, and be a corpse.

4. Rocky Horror Extra

If your black outfit includes fishnets, you can dress up like Magenta or someone else from Dr. Frankenfurter’s party.

3. Wednesday Addams

She’s my favorite, and so easy to do: just wear braided pigtails if you have them, or grab a wig. Or be a homicidal maniac—they look like everyone else, remember?

2. God

Nobody knows what God looks like, so you’re good to go. You could also be Nymphadora Tonks or that guy from The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus with the same line of thought.

1. Grim Reaper

If you have any kind of skeletal mask—or even some black and white paint and a decent hand—you can pull this one off. Add a cape if you have one.

Fall Fashion

But can you wear it?

Fall has always been my favorite season. I love the colors of the leaves, especially in the Midwest where I grew up, and how you can walk down a street full of yellows and reds and oranges. I love the smell of bonfires in the air. I like school starting up again, and even though I’m not going to school this year, everything feels like new again in the fall because of clean, white sheets of paper and unrubbed erasers. But one of my favorite things about fall is the fashion.

I guess I wouldn’t necessarily label my fall wardrobe—or my wardrobe at any time of the year—“fashionable.” I have a lot of scarves and a lot of cardigans and a lot of leather boots. That’s probably my saving grace in the fall—I can put a lot of layers on my body and call it fashion!

So that’s why I’ve been upset this year in Seattle and will continue to be upset this fall when I move to Thailand. In Seattle, there’s a constant drizzle in the air and if it’s not drizzling currently, the moisture hangs in the air, ready to make your cashmere sweaters and pea coats stink of damp wool. In Thailand, it’s hot 12 months out of the year, so that probably means that I continue dressing like shit, but also looking worse because I’ll be extra-sweaty.

But for you lucky enough to live in cold-ish climates this fall, you’re in luck! Fall fashion looks pretty awesome. So buy something new to put over all those turtlenecks/cardigans/boots/etc…and look fashion-forward before anyone else does. Here’s a list of some of the top fashion looks for fall:

Mustard colored pieces. I really love mustard clothes because I think it makes you look like a piece of furniture in your grandparents’ old, dark house in an awesome way. Yellow looks pretty nasty on most people, but who cares? You’ll be fashionable and if anyone tells you that you look jaundiced, just tell them that this color walked in New York Fashion Week.

Polka Dots. I thought that polka dots were for little girls, but the sophisticated—and small—polka dots on the runway look really wearable and good. Try to pick a color that isn’t too jarring, maybe a dark blue or a black, and temper it away from costume with a pair of jeans or a solid colored top.

Rust-colored coats. Yes, these look big and baggy like your father’s hunting jacket, but I think rust is a flattering color on almost anyone. If you’re bigger than a model (who isn’t?), you may want to try a more fitted blazer or jacket alternate. Try putting your blazer or jacket over a colorful, knitted sweater and you’ll look like a collegiate hottie even if you’re 45.

Choker necklaces. Seriously, I wore a choker necklace every day of my fifth grade career and only barely lived to tell the tale. The trend this season are thick, dog-collar chokers and they really, really look terrible. Nobody wants to bring back 1995, fashion industry, nobody.

Is Mike Sorrentino Too Uncool to Wear Abercrombie & FItch?

Abercrombie & Fitch to Mike Sorrentino: Please Don't Wear Our Clothes

 

Celebrities like Paris Hilton and Tiger Woods get paid enormous sums of money to wear certain brands because of their high level of coolness.  Apparently, Jersey boy Mike Sorrentino has a reverse situation on his hands. Abercrombie & Fitch have come forward saying that when Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino wears the Abercrombie & Fitch brand, he is actually harming the reputation of the clothing company. 

 

Abercrombie & Fitch is well-known for hiring preppy fraternity and sorority-looking types in their retail stores, but this is the first instance that I’ve heard of Abercrombie & Fitch actually getting angry at someone for wearing the Abercrombie & Fitch brand. The clothing company is so concerned that their precious reputation will be harmed by Mike Sorrentino that they have actually offered him money not to wear their clothes. The Situtation fired back on Twitter with clever word play and tweeted that: "Looks like Abercrombie got themself into a Situation!"

Forbes has the down-low on the situation with Abercrombie & Fitch. Apparently, neither Mike Sorrentino nor The Situation had a formal relationship with Abercrombie & Fitch, which puts this particular celebrity branding in an extremely gray area. That said, it’s pretty clear that Mike Sorrentino didn’t exactly start wearing Abercrombie & Fitch shirts for no reason. According to Forbes, the Abercrombie & Fitch shirt “The Fitchuation” was one of the companies best-sellers when it was first released. 

Abercrombie & Fitch are not looking so good in this particular news item. Why on earth would they release a mocking t-shirt of someone and then try to stop the person being mocked on the actual t-shirt from wearing it? Of course, as Forbes notes, it could be because Abercrombie is just not feeling the love for Mike Sorrentino or “The Situation.”

 

From Forbes: 

 

“When we look closely at this broken love story, we realize that it was never really about love. True love between a brand and a celebrity involves synergies. Having something in common on a deep level, like Intel and, well, any technology brand.”

 

The love story between Mike Sorrentino and Abercrombie was never about love in the first place and looks as if it will not end well. I don’t know yet if Mike Sorrentino has taken any money from Abercrombie or if the company has any legal way to actually stop him from wearing their clothes. I’m not even sure how Abercrombie was able to use “The Situation” name on their t-shirt without permission. 

 

All I know is that if I were in Mike Sorrentino’s shoes, I would throw an elaborate Abercrombie & Fitch party with the least attractive, least palatable peeps that I could find around. 

 

Just to piss Abercrombie off by showing that uncool people can actually wear their clothes. 

 

 

 

 

Tim Gunn's 10 Fashion Essentials

I take every word that comes of Project Runway’s Tim Gunn as Bible. The man is the sweetest and can effectively match a striped shirt, a striped tie and a checkered suit jacket on the show.  Who better to spruce up my jeans-and-t-shirt attire than Tim? A few years ago, Tim Gunn put his Parson’s School of Design touch on everyday people’s closets and suggested ten essential pieces necessary for every woman on his TV show Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style.  Let’s discuss how these pieces can be used in your own wardrobe—regardless of your style—and how these items can be adaptable for men to purchase, too.

Tim Gunn’s 10 Essential Items:

  1. Basic black dress.  Tim Gunn is nothing if not classic. The “little” black dress has been a staple for decades. The black dress truly is an essential because it is the easiest thing to wear and the easiest thing to dress up or down. The temptation to buy a black dress with frills or lace should be avoided—a simple dress can last for decades, too. For men and ladies (who should purchase both a dress and a suit), as Tim Gunn himself models, the basic black suit is a must-buy. You can change shirts, ties and shoes—and for ladies, scarves, earrings or necklaces—but a nice suit will never go out of style.
  2. Trench coat. This is tough, but obviously an essential for both men and women. Trench coats are usually shapeless, but style aficionados should look for varieties with good fits that follow the shape of the body. Checking for strong sewing and a solid lining is your best bet in finding a well-made trench coat.
  3. Dress pants. Ladies and gents, dress pants can be a dime-a-dozen, but finding a nice pair now will mean that you don’t have to search again when your cheap-o pair rips at the crotch. Dress pants can easily transform from casual to dressed-up with choices of tops and accessories. Individuals who live in cold climates might invest in both a wool variety and a lighter material, like cotton, for the change in seasons.
  4. White shirt.  A simple white button-down looks classic, but is so, so difficult to find. Too many darts, too many ruffles and too many possibilities to look frumpy make the classic white shirt both a difficult find and a necessity.  The shirt can be worn with jeans and a sweater for a casual look or underneath a suit for an outfit for work.
  5. Skirt. Ladies, this is a tricky one.  You probably don’t want to buy a skirt with an obvious pattern—because it will go out of style quickly and your co-workers will notice if you’ve worn it 3 or 4 times a week. You also don’t want one with a lot of pleats or ruffles because it will quickly become dated or date you. A simple A-line skirt in a neutral color and a fine, rich fabric is your best choice in the skirt department.
  6. Blazer.  Blazers look so good, but sometimes I think it’s hard to find a blazer that you can both dress and dress down, although I’m sure it would be possible with Tim Gunn’s help.  The difficulty is also the tailoring and, as a repeat blazer owner and discarder, I would recommend taking a high-quality blazer into a tailor so that it fits perfectly around your waist and isn’t too long on your arms.
  7. Day dress.  Certainly a simple cotton dress can go a long way.  Like all of Tim’s recommendations a simple dress is key, but a dress may be more versatile in a simple color, rather than a neutral, than Tim’s other suggestions. I’ve been coveting a Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress for ages and I think it would fit Tim’s bill.
  8. Cashmere sweater. This is an obvious one for most people—men and women—but it obviously comes from a man who has suffered through a New York winter or two. I can’t imagine wearing a cashmere sweater too often in moist or hot weather.
  9. Jeans.  Of course.  Too many people think of jeans as a throw-away number and don’t choose some that could do a number on their ass-ets.
  10. A comfortable alternative to a sweatsuit.  I’m stumped on this one.  Apparently, you’re supposed to be able to wear it around the house or to the grocery store.  But what is it? Any clues—let me know.

Project Runway Season 9 starts tomorrow

(!)

 

 

The ninth season of Project Runway starts tomorrow July 28th at 9pm/8 central on Lifetime.  The show dropped some of its sass and homo jokes and is definitely more mom outfit friendly since it left Bravo, but I’m still going to watch this season.  I’m sure the designers will again be flabbergasted by Heidi Klum’s tall, blonde Austrian-ness and I will fall in love with Tim Gunn again, but there’s sure to be some new things, too.  Here is what and who we can expect this season: 

 

--Michael Kors and Nina Garcia will be back again as judges.  It’s nice to have some well-established judges on this show.  I wouldn’t take it quite as seriously if Kelly Rowland was telling me she didn’t like a backless ball gown.

 

--Bert Keeter.  He is probably one of the oldest contestants at age 57 and moved from New York to live in a 300-foot apartment in Los Angeles.  I don’t think this show is particularly age-ist, but let’s see for sure.  Will Bert go quickly or stick around? 

 

--As usual, the prize is baller.  The winner this season will win $100,000, a $50,000 business suite to start a business and a spread in Marie Claire magazine.  I don’t know how they test “business savvy” on the show, but I guess watching someone make data tables would be a lot less interesting than watching them design a pair of pants. 

 

--The 20 original contestants will be weed-whacked straight from the start.  The first episode begins with a surprise challenge at 1 am in which designers only have the material from the pajamas they are wearing to make a fabulous outfit.  At the end of the challenge, four contestants will be cut. 

 

--Gunnar Deatherage.  Apparently this 21-year-old (oh, god. What have I done with my life?) Kentuckian is getting a lot of attention because he wears sunglasses, tall boots and side-swept hair but also somehow lives in Kentucky. Question mark.  He’s seriously adorable and has a big black dog, but can he actually design anything? 

 

--Joshua Christensen. This designer seems really nice and normal, but weirdly lives with his brother in Las Vegas in a room where he doesn’t unpack his clothes.  He is 29 but he says he doesn't unpack he is always being called into Los Angeles or something.  Really, that short notice? Glamourous!  This guy may be one to watch--he goes to church on Sundays.   

 

-- Anya Ayoung-Chee.  A beauty contesant and former Miss Trinidad and Tobago, Ayoung-Chee might not actually know how to sew that well. Or at all.  The people around the show don’t really know... Word is that she learned to sew four months before the competition, but her sample clothes still looked really well made. Hm. 

 

--Becky Ross.  Becky is 38 and from Portland, Oregon and is kind of big, wears big glasses and has dyed blonde hair with blue streaks in it.  Hopefully she sticks around because she is supposed to entertain us with her Portland-ness, her dyed hair and her meaty arms.  Her sample dress on her designer profile is a red, white, yellow and blue that she calls Carmen.  It is made from what looks like discarded gum wrappers and ticket stubs. Looks like she will be prepared for the challenge that makes them raid the dumpster. 

Wizardly Attire - The Harry Potter Premiere

Oof. J.K. Rowling makes like a gazillion dollars off of writing the most successful young adult fantasy in the history of the genre, and she shows up to the premiere of the series's last movie wearing...that? Does not compute. Jo's a little old for the hipstery irony, and even if she were going for that, the cut's not even right. You're supposed to put your curtain patterns on short babydoll dresses, am I right? No idea where she got that one designed. Thankfully, Emma Watson showed up looking ridiculously gorgeous in her pixie haircut and poofy dress. Digging it forever.

 

 

Tell Clothing Company to Stop Sexing Up Little Girls

I never did understand what the lyrics in “I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd meant. Did they really want to have sex with the person they are singing to (“We can do it till we both wake up”), or did they mean they wanted to sexually glorify her? While I’m leaning toward the former, I think Submarine Kids might have had the latter in mind when designing their latest repulsive swimsuit ad.

The images of the kids in it—around the age of my five-year-old daughter, perhaps a tiny bit older—are simply grotesque and nothing short of disturbing. They exhibit thick layers of obnoxious makeup and bright, jarring wigs as they provocatively pose, wearing little bikinis in an actual advertisement not in a pornographic magazine for pedophiles, but for actual swimwear for kids.

For those of you who’ve read The Hunger Games series, these images appear to be miniature people from The Capitol, rather than children. In fact, a couple of the images look as if they could be adults—especially in the way they’ve been instructed to pose—rather than children. And as one person in advertising noted, every decision in advertising is on purpose, in mind to accomplish something. Just what is that something here?

I had to wonder whom, exactly, they are trying to sell to, since parents must be offended by this horrible sexualization of young girls—right? Most of the people I’ve shown this ad to (and believe me, Submarine Kids, I’ve been passing it around) are very offended, and knowing that the media and their schools and peers will be sexualizing them soon enough, find it repulsive that a children’s clothing company would also stoop to this level. Others comment that it’s lazy advertising, trying to make kids sexy—and that unfortunately sex sells.

But it doesn’t sell to parents of their own children! To quote Bobby from Supernatural, “Ya idjuts.”

But some parents have actually expressed their own rationalizations for the article, calling it “hip” and “contemporary.” One of the sickest forms of rationalization that they’ve been using in order to justify their continued purchases from the company is the idea that parents who do see perversion in these ads are not looking out for their children, but actually looking at the children as if they are perverts themselves.

Again, with the Supernatural quote.

I wonder if they would think the same things if it were their daughters in the ads? With shows like Toddlers and Tiaras on television highlighting these despicable parents who exploit their children, I suppose they might enjoy the attention, even if it’s at the cost of their own children’s childhoods. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that these parents are as bad as those who molest, beat, or starve their kids to death—but they’re not many degrees higher on the evolutionary chain, either. Where’s your protective instinct, parents? Did you lose it somewhere between your cave-people days and America’s Next Top Model?

For those of us who can see how wrong these advertisements are, we can at least voice our complaints to the company. Click here to see a sample letter and for information on how to contact Submarine Kids.

 

Ruminations on Fashion and the Middle-School Mind

The only explanation could be an undeveloped frontal lobe...

      There has never been a more appropriately named shoe than an Ugg.

      Sagging was one thing...sagging skinny jeans is walking around like you've crapped yourself.

      Wearing only one arm through a sweatshirt presents a choking hazard...or an opportunity.

      Too-small soccer shorts have replaced too-big pajama pants as spring has replaced winter.

      The side-ponytail, glitter makeup, and hundreds of dangly bracelets on each arm are not new ideas. Welcome back 80's.

      The Wanna-Biebers have arrived, their hair swooped to one side, but vehemently deny liking Bieber. Odd.

      Overheard in the hallway from a 4-foot tall boy, "I'm going to get the skinniest skinny jeans ever." This is not a joke.

      If you wear black you're Emo. If you wear blue or red you're Gangsta. If you wear white you're gay. if you wear a tie you're 60.

      Twilight-inspired colored contacts are out. Nerd glasses without lenses in them are in. I confiscate and dispose of both.

      Girls come to school in nice clothes and half-empty bookbags. They leave school in tanktops, hooker shorts, and packed bookbags.

      Due to liability, I no longer address female clothing concerns. I hand them a picture of Brittney Spears that says, "Go to the office."

      Overheard in the hallway from a gaggle of girls, "Um, you have chapstick on your braces." They laugh and call one another "bitch"

      Despite explaining the origin of pants-sagging (male prostitution in prisons), I can tell them their own underwear colors

      The depth of a girl's v-neck is directly proportional to her level of self-esteem

      Middle-schoolers don't differentiate between "clean-looking" and "clean-smelling" clothing. Mostly because none of it is.

      Custom Nikes and Converse are a status symbol. Getting straight A's is for losers.

      Groups of girls and boys stand in the hall, each dressed exactly alike, each convinced they are a unique snowflake.

      Boys won't play in the grass for fear of staining their Jordans.

      A young man had his lip pierced, kissed a girl with a lip piercing in the hallway. Custodian got the tin-snips to part them.

      Overheard in the hallway from a girl to a boy, "We're not official until we exchange silly bands. I saw it on Tool Academy."

      I wore pleated khakis once on laundry day. A girl asked if my pants were made of poster board.

      Girls no longer smile for class photos, they purse their lips like prostitutes on Vegas brothel pamphlets.

      Leaving tags on clothing is cool, and practical when you need to take it back to the store so your parents can pay utilities.

      If cell-phones are accessories why don't they come in ear-holsters?

     Girl's sandals look like shoes with the toes cut off

      Is an A-cup push-up bra really necessary?

      It's now possible for boys to create pants out of shorts and socks.

      A fashion show at a Middle-School would look like a thrift store threw up on the Mickey Mouse Club.

 

Photo from hollywoodtoysandcostumes.com

 

 

Social Norms: They have them, and we don't

What can we say about social norms in our poor amalgamation, America? What can we cling to in this place that was built from nothing but fractured ideologies? Do we ever know how to behave properly or do we have a sense of shaky awkwardness imbued in us from our first playground mistakes?

All you had to do to distinguish yourself was wear a piece of purple silk in Ye Good Olden Days of Shakespeare’s England. Gentlemen were gentlemen and ladies were ladies then. If you had money, you had a golden spoon popped into your mouth and a guidebook on how to behave properly placed into your hands. With a five course feast of hare, pork, cream, and wafers, you married off your fourteen-year-old daughter to her twenty-one year old cousin. If you were poor, you made sure your mother didn’t throw you out with the bathwater and you learned your place through a rough and rabble childhood. You stood in the floor of the theater so that the smarter higher classes could practice patrician paternalism and figuratively pat your stupid little head from their private boxes, high above you. Social decorum came straight from Queen Elizabeth. Social customs were drawn in stone.

Modern Europe also has solid social customs because it has the histories, or nostalgic renderings of history. They have Before-Dinosaurs customs, dusty books of fantastical fables and feasts, and Moses-wore-white-only-before-Labor-Day standards of behavior.

In Austria, the age old customs and attitudes are still heaped with reverence, even as new innovations seep in. The Viennese were appalled and protested the arrival of a Starbucks into their Mecca of Kaffeehaus Kultur. White-haired ladies and young people in tall boots know how to behave in the intellectual atmosphere, how to play up opportunities to see and be seen, and how to drink little coffees off silver platters. They preserve the dreaded Austrian stare (all Austrians acquire it at birth)-- an unsmiling, cold stare that makes the unlucky recipient drop dead (or want to). The stare exemplifies their haughty, reserved attitudes and is used to keep the Viennese who know the cultural standards (quiet, refinement, appreciation of tradition) in and the foreigners who don’t, out. Their social platitudes may not be as cut and dried as they once were, but they have hard and fast rules which once existed or they believe once existed on which to cling.

We tried to build unified cultural and social norms in the 1950s. An America rocked by World War II clung to traditional ideologies, creating for itself a conservative American ideal. Religion gave everyone a grand narrative, a stable rock in the storm to counter the uncertain future of war-- “under God” was added to the pledge of allegiance and people fought Communism through Christ. Girls played with epitomes of femininity, the Barbie doll, while boys played with her perfect counterpart, the man’s man Davy Crockett. Teenagers “pinned” their sweethearts and perhaps grabbed a quick smooch at drive-ins. Families piled into their Frank Lloyd Frank family homes. Men could talk about the latest TV around the water-cooler at work; everybody could yuck-yuck about I Love Lucy because everybody watched it.

Men were men and women were women then, or, perhaps we like to think so. In our modern society grasping for behavioral straws, the ease of men knowing how to behave like men and women knowing how to behave like women in any situation seems quaint to us today. Surely it isn’t anywhere near a whole truth. This nostalgic retelling of history attempts to give American social behaviors a historical basis. Some even offer these norms as behavioral standards to follow in the modern day. 

Still, America is a place of ever more fractured factions built with the pieces of already fractured factions. How can anyone learn how to behave with a group of philosophy majors, stay-at-home mothers, when you were fifteen, in an independent movie theater, at a museum? Each arena one enters has its own ever changing set of rules and potential pitfalls. I know I never got an Emily Post etiquette book for anyone of them. America’s fragmented culture has its own historically ambiguous, often-unspoken rules that we each try and master again and again, hoping for a degree of improvement with each failure.

Do you think Americans will ever learn how we are supposed to behave? Or are we better off without a system?

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