Ruminations on Fashion and the Middle-School Mind

Ruminations on Fashion and the Middle-School Mind

The only explanation could be an undeveloped frontal lobe...

      There has never been a more appropriately named shoe than an Ugg.

      Sagging was one thing...sagging skinny jeans is walking around like you've crapped yourself.

      Wearing only one arm through a sweatshirt presents a choking hazard...or an opportunity.

      Too-small soccer shorts have replaced too-big pajama pants as spring has replaced winter.

      The side-ponytail, glitter makeup, and hundreds of dangly bracelets on each arm are not new ideas. Welcome back 80's.

      The Wanna-Biebers have arrived, their hair swooped to one side, but vehemently deny liking Bieber. Odd.

      Overheard in the hallway from a 4-foot tall boy, "I'm going to get the skinniest skinny jeans ever." This is not a joke.

      If you wear black you're Emo. If you wear blue or red you're Gangsta. If you wear white you're gay. if you wear a tie you're 60.

      Twilight-inspired colored contacts are out. Nerd glasses without lenses in them are in. I confiscate and dispose of both.

      Girls come to school in nice clothes and half-empty bookbags. They leave school in tanktops, hooker shorts, and packed bookbags.

      Due to liability, I no longer address female clothing concerns. I hand them a picture of Brittney Spears that says, "Go to the office."

      Overheard in the hallway from a gaggle of girls, "Um, you have chapstick on your braces." They laugh and call one another "bitch"

      Despite explaining the origin of pants-sagging (male prostitution in prisons), I can tell them their own underwear colors

      The depth of a girl's v-neck is directly proportional to her level of self-esteem

      Middle-schoolers don't differentiate between "clean-looking" and "clean-smelling" clothing. Mostly because none of it is.

      Custom Nikes and Converse are a status symbol. Getting straight A's is for losers.

      Groups of girls and boys stand in the hall, each dressed exactly alike, each convinced they are a unique snowflake.

      Boys won't play in the grass for fear of staining their Jordans.

      A young man had his lip pierced, kissed a girl with a lip piercing in the hallway. Custodian got the tin-snips to part them.

      Overheard in the hallway from a girl to a boy, "We're not official until we exchange silly bands. I saw it on Tool Academy."

      I wore pleated khakis once on laundry day. A girl asked if my pants were made of poster board.

      Girls no longer smile for class photos, they purse their lips like prostitutes on Vegas brothel pamphlets.

      Leaving tags on clothing is cool, and practical when you need to take it back to the store so your parents can pay utilities.

      If cell-phones are accessories why don't they come in ear-holsters?

     Girl's sandals look like shoes with the toes cut off

      Is an A-cup push-up bra really necessary?

      It's now possible for boys to create pants out of shorts and socks.

      A fashion show at a Middle-School would look like a thrift store threw up on the Mickey Mouse Club.


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